I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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