Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
