I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
