cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
