I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
pray to the hookup gods
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
