Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
