I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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