so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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