so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
