you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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