Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
