After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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