This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
