Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
