his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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