At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
