He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
