How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
