i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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