apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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