you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
