CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
