I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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