everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
