this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
