There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
