haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I enjoy the company of your penis
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
