Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
