Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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