i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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