This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
