non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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