Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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