apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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