Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
