I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
