im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
