I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
