I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just found puke in my bra..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
