She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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