I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
