Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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