And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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