i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
