i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
