Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
