meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
