Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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