I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
