i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
