I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
