so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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